


Schedule conflicts

by Ultimafangirl



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Dialogue-Only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 18:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21060923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultimafangirl/pseuds/Ultimafangirl
Summary: Plans are made and changed as things keep coming up





	Schedule conflicts

“Hello, you have reached-”

“Megamind. It’s me. Pick up already.”

“If you wish to-”

“Megamind!”

“Roxanne! How nice of you to call.”

“Look, about next week, you know that evil scheme you planned?”

“Next week? Of course! I was actually hoping to unveil my new death ray! It still has a few kinks in it of course. Pulls to the left just a tad. Plus the victim’s remains tend to turn this off-orange color. But I’m sure that-”

“I can’t make it.”

“You-… Why?”

“My cousin is getting married next week. So I’m going to be out of town then.”

“She’s getting married. Next week. And you’re just finding out now? That seems rather rude.”

“No, it’s my fault. I got the dates mixed up.”

“Wait, this isn’t the same cousin who just got a divorce last month is it?”

“No, you’re thinking of Miranda. Elaine’s getting married.”

“Elaine… Have I met her before?”

“Maybe? I know she was in your prison for a while.”

“Oh! Is she the one who burned down her boyfriend’s house?”

“Yep. That’s the one.”

“I remember her now. Nice girl. Glad to hear she’s doing well. Be sure to tell her I said congratulations.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure she gets the message.”

“Thank you- Waitwaitwait! We are getting completely off track! You can’t just cancel like this!”

“I talked to Metro Man already. He said it’s fine with him as long as you’re okay with it.”

“…of course you called him first…”

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

“My plan hinges on there being a hostage! Where am I supposed to find one on short notice!?”

“Can’t you just grab someone?”

“No! These things take planning! Otherwise you go to kidnap them only to find out that they’re in a self-defense class!”

“Speaking from experience?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Look. What if I find you another hostage? Would that help?”

“It might. Who did you have in mind?”

“What about the weather girl?”

“I don’t know… Isn’t she pregnant?”

“Well, yeah, but she isn’t that far along yet. Really all the hostage has to do is sit in the chair- Now that I’m thinking about it did you ever fix that wobbly leg?”

“No. It adds to the torment. And that’s not the point! It’s just… unborn baby… death ray… That is a whole level I do not want to deal with!”

“Oh. Yeah I can see your point.”

“So you see. This is why you-”

“Wait a second. You’re going on about being prepared and you don’t have a back-up hostage?”

“I didn’t think one was necessary! You used to be very reliable!”

“Alright. Just for that crack you can find your own hostage. I’m going to the wedding.

"Fine. I suppose this will give me a chance to work on my new death trap. You see, it uses copper-”

“Right. Copper. And if that doesn’t work you can blind him with pictures of me in the bridesmaid dress.”

“You’re going to be a bridesmaid!? Well, why didn’t you say so sooner? I want pictures when you come back.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll save you a copy.”

“Thank you. Now, it’s been lovely talking to you but I’m afraid I have to go. Evil doesn’t plot itself you know.”

“Alright. Alright. See you in two weeks.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to include a bit about Megamind asking about the groom and Roxanne saying he's a firefighter and Megamind giving a deadpan "I suppose I don't need to ask how they met" but I couldn't fit it in...


End file.
